I have been feeling incredibly socially awkward lately. I find that people are funny and not in a good way more like in a phony kind of way it's like if you are weird or eccentric and you don't have anything to offer they ignore you as if you have this contagious flu or something. As I get older I notice that some people never grew out of that High School mentality you know that whole I am too cool and I am sooo open minded but at the end you realize that they are just like everybody else judgmental as fuck, stupid, egotistical and obnoxious and they tend to separate themselves into their little boring crew, clique, or tribe of so called cool friends. That is nonsense and I wish they would see how it's so meaningless at the end. I choose to hang out with whomever wants to hang out and accepts me for being me I choose to hang out with people who don't expect shit from me. This separation amongst people is a whole lot of bs it makes me cringe. A good example is back home the art hip kids would always hang out with who's going to give them something like a show or who knows where the good parties are at or who has the car to give them rides because they don't own a car or who's friends with who that's important in the art community or music scene or whatever they hang out in there tight niche and they don't show appreciation for the real people at times. I have always been a fat girl who would always be yoyo diets I lost weight and then I would gain weight growing up I tried to fit in and with this I ended up dealing with a lot of stupid people who would try to change me or tell me I wasn't like them they always saw me as the funny fat girl so whenever I showed any sign of emotion they would just tell me to grow up or they would ignore me and one time it got to a point where they said if you want to kill yourself just do it and they would just laugh at me it was so annoying I hated it. Eventually as I got older I realized that these people were meaningless to me and mentally they made me stronger and I learned how much better it is to stick to being oneself instead of trying to be like everybody else or try to fit in with them I realized that they were shitheads. Lately I have been patting myself on the back for being uncool and being fucking weird but most of all being myself and for fucking doing creative shit all the time even when I feel shitty. I am proud to be me and proud that I have never changed for anybody but myself I am proud that I don't listen to stupid mainstream music and settle for what society wants me to settle for or how it wants me to look like society is just a bunch of nonsense don't buy into it be smart. If you feel like an outcast, weirdo, or feel like a total loner most of the time you need to look at yourself really check yourself and and realize that nowadays people are just a bunch of brainwashed suck ups to being cool and being what society wants them to be fuck that! Being this so called cool is not important what's important is to be your own individual and as cheesy as this may sound loving yourself inside and fucking outside plays a big part in one's life. I find it so important to also be able to think outside the box and taking each bad or good obstacle as a learning tool for oneself. It is key to not be stuck in the nothing (the nothing is all the nonsense and stupid people rolled up into a ball of nothing.) Seriously you need to pat yourself on the back and fucking congratulate yourself for not being like everybody else for not being boring and for not being a shitty asshole. Be a weirdo, outcast, whatever you may be stick to having an open mind and stick to what you believe stick to loving yourself and being yourself, be wild, eccentric, mysterious, creative or uncreative who cares just be whatever the fuck you want to be. This is my random rant I know my grammar skills are not that great so deal with it.